New thread: What do you do when they won’t even open the letters?
Right so I’ve been sending the twins letters every month for the past year, nothing dramatic just little updates about what I’m doing, photos of my garden, stupid jokes I think they’d like. Their dad’s address obviously since I don’t know where they actually live now.
Last week I was walking through Westfield and I saw Jess - that’s one of the twins - with her stepdad. She looked right through me like I was invisible. Didn’t even blink. But here’s the thing that’s eating at me… she was carrying this little backpack and I could see the corner of one of my letters sticking out, still sealed. Just shoved in there like rubbish.
So they’re getting them but not opening them? Or maybe the stepmum makes them carry the letters around to prove some point to their dad? I don’t even know what to think anymore.
Has anyone else dealt with this? Do I keep sending them knowing they’re not being read? The stamps are adding up and honestly it feels like I’m just posting letters into a black hole at this point
I’ve been there mate, almost exactly the same thing. My two are 9 and 7 and I was sending letters every fortnight for about 8 months before I found out they weren’t even getting past the front door. Cost me probably £60 in stamps and cards over that time, which doesn’t sound like much but when you’re already paying £300 a week to a solicitor it all adds up doesn’t it.
The thing that got me was finding out from my eldest’s teacher at a parents evening (back when I was still allowed to go) that Sophie had mentioned “daddy’s letters” to her friend. So she knew they existed but had never actually seen one. My ex was clearly intercepting them or just binning them straight away. At least in your case they’re physically with Jess even if she’s not opening them - that’s something I suppose, even if it looks awful seeing them treated like that.
CAFCASS have told me to keep a record of everything I send so I’m still doing it, even though it feels pointless some days. My solicitor says it shows “consistent attempts at contact” which apparently matters when we get to court. The fact that Jess was carrying your letter though… maybe she wants to read it but can’t? Or doesn’t know how to without getting in trouble at home? I keep telling myself that one day they’ll ask questions and at least there’ll be proof I never stopped trying to reach them.
Gut punch seeing that sealed letter in her bag. Keep sending them - someday when she’s 18 and clearing out old stuff, she’ll open them all at once and see you never stopped trying.