I can’t stop thinking about yesterday’s meeting so I need to share this with you lot.
Been three years since I’ve had any proper contact with my youngest, Emma. She’s 14 now. The CAFCASS officer assigned to our case - Sarah - actually sat down and listened. Really listened.
Most of the others over the years, they’d nod politely while I explained how my ex had slowly turned Emma against me after the divorce. How the overnight stays became shorter, then cancelled last minute, then Emma would refuse to come at all. How she’d parrot phrases that sounded nothing like her - “Mum makes me anxious” and “I don’t feel safe there.” Words that came from somewhere else entirely.
But Sarah? She asked different questions. She wanted to know about Emma before the split - what we did together, how close we were. I showed her photos of us baking fairy cakes, camping in the Lakes, Emma curled up reading with me on Sunday mornings. Sarah actually looked at them properly.
Then she said something that made me nearly cry right there in that sterile meeting room: “I can see you were very bonded. Children don’t just stop loving a parent overnight without external influence.”
She gets it. She actually gets it.
Sarah’s going to spend proper time with Emma - not just one rushed session but several meetings to build trust. She’s also meeting with my ex separately, and here’s the bit that gives me hope - she’s asking him specific questions about why he thinks Emma doesn’t want contact. Making him explain it rather than just accepting it at face value.
I know it’s early days and I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much. But for the first time in years, someone in the system is actually looking at this properly. Someone who understands that loving parents don’t just disappear from their children’s lives without a reason.
Maybe there are more Sarah’s out there. Maybe the tide is turning, bit by bit.
God, reading this gave me actual goosebumps. I’m so happy for you.
I’m still waiting for my Sarah. Been through three CAFCASS officers now and each one just seems to take my ex’s word that Aanya “doesn’t want to see dad anymore.” The cultural stuff makes it worse too - my family keep saying I should just “be the bigger person” and “sort things out like a man” as if I’m not trying everything I can think of. They don’t understand how the system works here, or how someone can systematically turn a child against you.
That line about Emma not stopping loving you overnight without external influence - that’s everything, isn’t it? Finally someone who sees through the manipulation. I’m genuinely made up for you, and it gives me hope that there might be someone out there who’ll actually listen to my side too.
Please keep us posted on how it goes with Sarah. We need more wins like this.
Christ, this gave me chills reading it. I remember that feeling so clearly - when someone in the system finally sees what’s happening instead of just ticking boxes.
I had my Sarah moment about two years into the nightmare. Her name was actually Helen, and she was the third CAFCASS officer I’d dealt with. The first two were lovely people, I’m sure, but they just couldn’t get their heads around what parental alienation actually looks like. They’d interview my boys - Jake was 12, Sam was 9 - and when the lads would come out with these rehearsed lines about feeling “uncomfortable” at mine, that was it. Case closed. Must be something wrong with dad.
But Helen? She did exactly what your Sarah’s doing. She went back to the beginning. Asked me about life before the split, made me show her videos of the boys laughing their heads off when I’d chase them round the garden with the hosepipe, photos from our camping trips to Snowdonia where Jake taught Sam to fish. She could see what we’d had was real.
The breakthrough came when Helen spent three separate sessions with each boy - not one hurried chat. By the third meeting, Sam cracked a bit. Started talking about how mummy got upset when they mentioned having fun at daddy’s house. Helen picked up on that straightaway. She knew what to look for.
Won’t lie to you mate - it was still another year of careful work after that, and the boys came back to me gradually, cautiously. But Helen was the turning point. She gave me my sons back by actually doing her job properly. Your Sarah sounds cut from the same cloth. Hold onto this feeling, but yeah, guard your heart a bit too. These things take time even when you get the right person on your side.
Sarah asking about Emma before the split - that’s exactly what made the difference for me too. My CAFCASS officer was called David and when he asked me to describe my relationship with Jake before everything went wrong, I just broke down. Because nobody had asked me that in two years of meetings and assessments.
It’s those little details that matter isn’t it - the fairy cakes, the Sunday morning reading. David looked at photos of Jake and me at his school sports day, properly looked at them, and I could see something shift in his face. Like he was finally seeing the whole picture instead of just the current mess.
Really hope Sarah follows through. In my experience the ones who actually get it make all the difference, even if the process takes longer than we’d like.