New here? Drop a hello
Hey everyone,
I’m Malcolm, and I started this little corner of the internet because I needed somewhere to land when my world got turned upside down. That was about four years ago now, when my daughter Emma stopped taking my calls.
If you’ve found your way here, you’re probably in some version of that same devastation. Maybe your kids won’t see you. Maybe they’re repeating things that sound nothing like the parent-child relationship you remember. Maybe you’re staring at your phone wondering if today’s the day you’ll get that text back.
First thing — you’re not crazy. What’s happening to you has a name, and you’re not alone in it.
This thread is for hellos. Use whatever name feels right — lots of us go by something other than what’s on our driver’s license. Share whatever you’re comfortable with. Could be “Hi, I’m Sarah and I haven’t seen my son in eight months.” Could be “I’m here because I Googled ‘why does my kid hate me now’ at 3am.”
You’ll notice we use stage tags here — CRISIS if you’re in the thick of it, LEARNING if you’re trying to figure out what happened, REBUILDING if you’re finding your footing again. Don’t worry about getting it perfect. I change mine depending on the day.
I won’t lie to you — this is brutal territory. But I’ve watched people in this community find their way back to themselves, and some even back to their kids. Not all stories end the same way, but they don’t all end in permanent loss either.
So drop a hello. We’ll be here.
Malcolm
Hi Malcolm, I’m Anna from Melbourne.
My kids stopped coming to my place about three months ago and I’m still trying to wrap my head around what’s actually happening. Found this place after way too many late night Google searches that all led nowhere good.
Thanks for making somewhere we can land when everything feels upside down.
Hi, I’m Raj.
Been about six months since my kids stopped answering my calls, and my family keeps asking when I’m going to “fix this mess” like it’s something I broke.
Malcolm — I’m Mark from Ohio, and I’ve been lurking here for a couple weeks now trying to work up the courage to actually post something. Your words about staring at the phone waiting for that text back… man, that hit me square in the chest. I’m eight months into this nightmare with my 12-year-old son Jake, and that’s basically been my entire existence.
It started when his mom moved him three hours away “for a better school district” — which I now realize was just the opening move. First it was missed calls because he was “busy with homework.” Then the weekend visits got shorter because he had “friend obligations.” Now I’m getting these weird, stilted text responses that don’t sound anything like the kid who used to send me twenty photos a day of his skateboard tricks. My lawyer — well, my second lawyer, the first one was useless — keeps telling me to document everything, so I’ve got this depressing spreadsheet tracking every cancelled call and shortened visit.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around this whole parental alienation thing. Like, I knew bitter divorces happened, but I never imagined someone could systematically turn your own child against you and make it look like the kid’s choice. Learning there’s an actual playbook for this stuff is both validating and terrifying. Thanks for making this place, Malcolm. Already feels less lonely just typing this out.
Mark (LEARNING, I guess?)
Hi Malcolm and everyone,
I’m Anna from Melbourne. I guess I’m in CRISIS mode - my two kids (12 and 9) stopped wanting to come to my place about three months ago. Started with excuses, now it’s just flat out “we don’t want to see mum anymore.” Their dad says he can’t force them but honestly it feels like there’s more to it than that?
I keep replaying everything trying to work out what I did wrong. The 3am googling thing really got me - I’ve been doing exactly that, just trying to understand why my own children suddenly act like I’m a stranger. Found this place after typing “my kids don’t want to see me anymore” for the hundredth time.
Still can’t quite believe this is my life now.
Hi Malcolm, and thank you for creating this space.
I’m Dawn, up in Leeds. My youngest Emma (snap on the name!) stopped talking to me three years ago when she was 14. Last autumn she started sending little replies to my birthday cards - just “thanks mum x” but it felt like winning the lottery. I’m in that weird in-between place now where I’m scared to breathe too hard in case it all disappears again, but also allowing myself to hope for the first time in ages.
Your bit about staring at the phone hit hard - I still do that most days even though she’s responding now. That muscle memory of grief doesn’t just switch off does it? But the dawn is coming, I can feel it.
Hello Malcolm, and thank you for creating this space.
I’m Lisa, mum of three in Bristol. It’s been three years since my youngest stopped answering my calls, and about 18 months since the older two joined her. I found meditation somewhere in year two when I was barely functioning - just sitting in my car after work crying until I couldn’t see to drive home. The mindfulness probably saved what was left of me, though some days I still feel like I’m rebuilding from nothing.
Your bit about “repeating things that sound nothing like the parent-child relationship you remember” - god, that cuts deep. The first time I heard my 14-year-old use words I’d never taught her to describe me… I still remember exactly where I was standing in my kitchen.
anyway, grateful this place exists. Some of us need somewhere to put all this grief down for a minute.
Lisa x