Title: mum’s asking why I dont bring the kids round anymore
so mum calls me yesterday asking why she hasnt seen Arjun and Priya in weeks. how do I even explain this?
“just talk to Meera” she says. “work it out, these are your children.” like I havent been trying for 3 months now. like I chose this.
the kids are 8 and 11. used to come every other weekend, now suddenly they dont want to see me. Arjun wont even get in my car anymore, says I “make him sad” and he’d rather stay with mummy. these arent his words — he’s 8, he doesnt talk like that.
tried explaining to mum that Meera’s been telling them things, poisoning them against me slowly. but in our community you dont say these things about your ex-wife. “she’s still their mother” mum says. “what did you do wrong?”
what did I do wrong.
sitting here at 1am wondering the same thing. maybe I worked too much? maybe I should’ve seen the signs earlier? but I was a good dad, I know I was. they used to run to me when I picked them up from school.
now Priya flinches when I try to hug her.
going to see a solicitor next week but everyone keeps saying how expensive it’ll be, how messy for the kids. uncles at the gurdwara asking where my children are, why they werent at the last function.
I just want my babies back man. I miss bedtime stories and saturday morning cartoons and Arjun asking me to help with his maths homework.
sorry needed to get this out somewhere
god this is so similar to what I’m going through with my boys, the bit about your mum asking “what did you do wrong” actually made me cry because I get this constantly from my family and it’s like being punched in the stomach every time. my sister keeps saying “well there must be two sides to every story” and I want to scream at her that yes there ARE two sides - there’s the truth and there’s whatever lies my ex has been feeding them for months.
the thing about Arjun saying you “make him sad” - christ that’s exactly the kind of language they get fed isn’t it, like an 8 year old would naturally say that about their dad who they used to love. my youngest (he’s 8 too) told me last month that “daddy makes mummy cry” and when I asked him when he’d seen me make mummy cry he just went quiet and started fidgeting. these aren’t their thoughts, these are scripts they’ve been given and it’s so bloody obvious to us but everyone else acts like we’re being paranoid or bitter.
and the family pressure, oh my god. having to explain to people why your own children aren’t with you anymore, having to watch other dads at school pickup while you stand there empty-handed. I went to my nephew’s birthday party last weekend and spent the whole time making excuses about where my boys were. it’s exhausting pretending everything’s fine when your world has completely fallen apart. the solicitor thing is terrifying too - I keep putting off calling because once you start down that road there’s no going back and part of me still hopes they’ll just… remember they love me and come home xx