New member - desperate mum
Right so I don’t even know where to start but I found this place at 2am after googling ‘why won’t my child talk to me’ and crying into my laptop like a complete mess.
I’m Laura, mum to two boys - Jake who’s 11 and Tommy who’s 8. Three months ago my ex just took them and now they won’t even look at me when I pick them up for my court-ordered contact. Tommy used to run to me, proper bear hugs, and now he stands behind his dad like I’m some stranger who might hurt him.
The things they’re saying… Jake told me I was ‘mean to daddy’ and that I ‘made him sad all the time’ which is just not true, we had a normal divorce, bit messy but nothing terrible happened. These aren’t their words, they’re too adult, too rehearsed but how do I prove that to anyone?
I’ve spent £8,200 on solicitors already and all I get is two hours supervised contact where they barely speak and their dad collects them looking smug as anything.
I don’t understand how this happened so fast. In January they were my boys, we had movie nights and I helped with homework and now they flinch when I try to hug them.
Sorry this is so long, I just needed to get it out somewhere people might understand xx
God Laura, that £8,200 figure hit me like a punch. I’m at about $11,000 now and my lawyer keeps saying we’re “building a case” while my kids slip further away each week.
Your description of Tommy standing behind his dad - man that’s exactly what happened with my youngest, Emma. She’s 9 now and it started the same way, these rehearsed lines that sounded way too grown up. My ex had her saying I “abandoned the family” which is rich considering he filed and kicked me out. The supervised visits are the worst part, aren’t they? Sitting in some sterile room while your own kids act like you’re dangerous. I document everything now - what they say, how they act, even took photos of Emma’s drawings where she drew our family with me crossed out in red crayon. My attorney says judges are finally waking up to this stuff but it takes time.
What’s keeping me going is advice I got here - these aren’t your real kids right now, they’re being programmed. The real Tommy who gave you bear hugs is still in there somewhere. I keep showing up, keep being consistent even when Emma won’t make eye contact. Some days I want to rage at the unfairness of it all but I’ve learned to save that energy for documenting and legal strategy. Three months feels like forever but you’re still early in this fight. Don’t give up on getting them back.
God Laura, the flinching when you try to hug them - I felt that in my chest. My twins used to pile on top of me every Sunday morning, fighting over who got to be closest, and now… well, it’s been 4 years since I’ve seen them at all.
You mentioned Tommy used to give you proper bear hugs and now he hides behind his dad - that’s exactly what happened with my Mia. She was my shadow, followed me everywhere, and then suddenly at one of our last visits she wouldn’t even sit on the same couch as me. Just stood there gripping her dad’s hand like I was dangerous. And those rehearsed phrases - christ, I remember when my son Oliver started using words he’d never used before, telling me I was “toxic” and that I “hurt people”. He was 7 years old Laura, no 7 year old uses that language naturally.
The £8,200 on solicitors hit me too - I’m up to nearly 15k now and for what? Court orders that mean nothing when the other parent just ignores them and fills the kids’ heads with poison between visits. But you know what? You’re only 3 months in and you still have contact, even if it’s supervised. I know it doesn’t feel like much when they’re sitting there like strangers, but at least they’re seeing you. Keep showing up, keep being their mum even when they can’t respond. Some of us here haven’t given up hope that they’ll remember who we really were x