Subject: Do I send Christmas cards to the grandchildren?
I’m sitting here with two Christmas cards I bought for my grandchildren - Emma, 12, and Jack, 9. haven’t seen them in five years since my son divorced their mum.
Every year I buy the cards and every year I sit here wondering if I should post them. My son made it clear last Christmas that any contact from me “upsets” the children. But they’re my grandchildren. Emma used to help me ice Christmas biscuits and Jack would fall asleep on my lap watching the Queen’s speech.
I don’t want to cause them distress but I also don’t want them thinking I’ve forgotten them or stopped caring. The cards just say “thinking of you at Christmas, love Granny” - nothing about the situation or asking to see them.
Has anyone else faced this dilemma? I know some of you send birthday cards regardless but Christmas feels different somehow. More loaded.
I’m 68 and this will be my sixth Christmas without them. Part of me thinks what’s the harm in two little cards? But I also don’t want to give my former daughter-in-law more ammunition to say I’m “harassing” them.
What would you do?
June
God June, this is torture. I’m dealing with something similar - my three are 8, 10 and 12 and it’s been 18 months since I’ve seen them.
I send the cards. Every birthday, every Christmas, every Easter. Maybe they never see them but maybe one day they’ll know I never stopped trying. My lawyer actually said it shows “continued interest in maintaining a relationship” which apparently matters in court.
The “harassing” accusation is such bullshit - two cards a year isn’t harassment and any judge with half a brain knows that.
God this is me exactly except it’s my two girls, 8 and 11 now. I’ve been writing and rewriting cards for three years and half the time they never get posted because I just sit there staring at them thinking is this going to make everything worse
Last year I sent them anyway. Simple ones like yours, just “love you, thinking of you” nothing else. My ex-wife returned them unopened with “return to sender” written on them in red pen which honestly felt like a knife in the chest. But here’s the thing - I kept copies of what I wrote and I’m keeping all the returned cards because one day when they’re older they might want to know I tried. That I never stopped thinking about them every single day.
My solicitor said there’s nothing legally wrong with sending birthday and Christmas cards to your own grandchildren but the reality is if their mum is determined to block contact she’ll find a way to make it look like harassment. It’s this impossible situation where doing nothing feels like abandoning them but doing something gets twisted into being the bad guy.
I’m posting the cards this year too June. Because Emma and Jack deserve to know their Granny loves them even if they never get to read it right now. Those Christmas biscuits and falling asleep watching the Queen - that was real and it mattered and no divorce can take those memories away from you