Do I send cards to my grandkids

Emotional Wellbeing
1

Subject: Do I send Christmas cards to the grandchildren?

I’m sitting here with two Christmas cards I bought for my grandchildren - Emma, 12, and Jack, 9. haven’t seen them in five years since my son divorced their mum.

Every year I buy the cards and every year I sit here wondering if I should post them. My son made it clear last Christmas that any contact from me “upsets” the children. But they’re my grandchildren. Emma used to help me ice Christmas biscuits and Jack would fall asleep on my lap watching the Queen’s speech.

I don’t want to cause them distress but I also don’t want them thinking I’ve forgotten them or stopped caring. The cards just say “thinking of you at Christmas, love Granny” - nothing about the situation or asking to see them.

Has anyone else faced this dilemma? I know some of you send birthday cards regardless but Christmas feels different somehow. More loaded.

I’m 68 and this will be my sixth Christmas without them. Part of me thinks what’s the harm in two little cards? But I also don’t want to give my former daughter-in-law more ammunition to say I’m “harassing” them.

What would you do?

June

2

God June, this is torture. I’m dealing with something similar - my three are 8, 10 and 12 and it’s been 18 months since I’ve seen them.

I send the cards. Every birthday, every Christmas, every Easter. Maybe they never see them but maybe one day they’ll know I never stopped trying. My lawyer actually said it shows “continued interest in maintaining a relationship” which apparently matters in court.

The “harassing” accusation is such bullshit - two cards a year isn’t harassment and any judge with half a brain knows that.