Back after years away, henk here

Introduce Yourself
1

New member introduction

Hello everyone,

My name is Henk, I am from the Netherlands. I find this forum through google searching for other parents who experience what I experience.

My son is 16 now, we have no contact for 4 years because of his mother. Last month he send me message on WhatsApp - just “hi papa” but it was everything for me. We meet two times now, very careful, he is still living with her so I must be patient.

I read some posts here already and I see many people with same pain. It helps to know I am not the only one who lost child this way. The loneliness was very hard part.

I don’t speak English perfect but I hope I can contribute something useful here. Maybe my story gives hope to others who wait for their children to reach out.

Sorry for my English, I hope you understand me okay.

Henk

2

Henk your English is perfect, don’t worry about that at all. That “hi papa” message must have felt like winning the lottery after 4 years of silence - I can only imagine holding your breath waiting to see if he’d reply again.

My kids are only 8 and 10 and it’s been 8 months since my ex moved them from Auckland to Christchurch, but reading about your son reaching out at 16 gives me something to hold onto. The waiting is brutal isn’t it, especially when you know they’re still living in that environment and you have to tread so carefully. Two meetings though - that’s huge progress. You’re doing exactly the right thing being patient even when every instinct probably wants to say more.

The loneliness is the worst part for me too. People here really get it in a way others just can’t.