Grandparent alienation — it’s real and it hurts
I know this forum is mostly parents, but I wanted to share something for any other grandparents who might be reading. We exist too, and our pain is just as real.
Five years ago, my son’s marriage fell apart. Messy divorce, custody battles, the whole horrible business. What I didn’t expect was losing my grandchildren in the process. Emily was seven, Jack was four. I’d been there for bath times, bedtime stories, school plays. I was Granny. Then suddenly… nothing.
My daughter-in-law — former daughter-in-law now — she’d always been polite enough, but I could tell she never quite warmed to me. Fair enough, not everyone clicks. But when things went south with my son, I became collateral damage. The children stopped visiting. My calls went unanswered. Birthday cards were returned unopened.
It’s a double bereavement, really. I lost the relationship with her, which had its good moments despite everything. But losing Emily and Jack? That’s been devastating. They’re twelve and nine now. I’ve missed so much. Lost teeth, school achievements, growing up.
My son tries to arrange visits during his contact time, but it’s complicated. The children have been told I’m somehow part of the problem. Last time I saw Emily, she was so distant. Asked me why I didn’t like her mummy anymore. These aren’t her words — she’s been coached into believing something that simply isn’t true.
People say ‘blood is thicker than water’ and ‘children always come back eventually.’ Maybe. But I’m 68. Eventually feels very far away when you’re watching your grandchildren grow up through school photos posted by well-meaning relatives who still have access.
I refuse to give up hope, but some days the silence is deafening. Just wanted other grandparents to know they’re not alone in this particular kind of heartbreak.