Finding a solicitor who understands PA
Bloody hell, this took me three tries to get right.
First solicitor - lovely woman, genuinely cared, but kept talking about “contact disputes” like this was just two parents having a tiff. When I tried explaining how my ex was systematically turning the boys against me, she’d nod politely and then suggest mediation. Mediation! With someone who’d already convinced my 8-year-old that daddy didn’t love him anymore.
Second one was worse. Proper old-school family law bloke who basically told me kids “naturally align with the residential parent” and I should just accept reduced contact. Made me feel like I was being dramatic. Cost me four grand to be patronised.
Third time lucky though. Found Sarah through a mate who’d been through similar. First meeting, she used the actual words “parental alienation” without me having to explain it. She’d seen it before. Knew the patterns.
Here’s what I learned to ask:
- Have you handled PA cases specifically? Not just difficult contact cases - actual alienation.
- What’s your success rate with getting meaningful contact restored?
- Do you work with child psychologists who understand PA?
- How do you document emotional abuse that doesn’t leave physical marks?
Red flags for me now:
- Anyone who immediately suggests 50/50 shared care as the magic solution
- Solicitors who talk about “high conflict” parents like you’re equally to blame
- Anyone who’s never heard of reunification therapy
Sarah wasn’t cheap - none of them are - but she fought like she understood what we were actually up against. Took eighteen months and cost me everything I had saved, but my boys are back home where they belong.
Don’t settle for someone who thinks this is just a messy divorce. You need someone who gets that this is psychological warfare with your children as casualties.